雅思G类6.5分大作文-名人隐私问题 含批注

　　雅思G类6.5分大作文-名人隐私问题  含批注  6.5分大作文什么样？本期，组长搬运雅思学习网站ieltsonlinetests范文及评分说明，供大家参考。

　　题目：Are famous people treated unfairly by the media? Should they be given more privacy, or is the price of their fame an invasion into their private life?Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

　　Different people hold different point of view regarding（用这个句子的考生太多） the way media treat famous personalities, specifically in terms of coverage of their private lives. I strongly believe that the media should refrain itself from breaching the privacy of notable personalities &（要用and）I will provide suitable reasoning to support my stand. To further strengthen my position, light on the other view point will also be shed along with discussing its faults.（表述模糊，不具体。开头段应具有预告主体段的作用，不要写可有可无的内容）

　　Firstly, it It should be noted that privacy is equally needed by everyone.（中心句过于概括。应出现题目关键词）For me privacy is our right & cannot be compromised in any way. In my opinion, media nowadays fail to draw line between private & social life. It greatly thoroughly confuses the two and the result is obnoxious, unethical, spiced up news. Taking the example of the latest news hype about around a Pakistani actress wearing in western clothes & smoking with an Indian star;（分号不能清楚表明句间关系，应使用恰当的连接方式）the act itself is very personal but media of both countries didn’t fail to fully cover it and make a fuss out of it. It can be easily estimated that 40% of news influx is related to private matters of celebrities(加逗号) and this needs to change. They use it to increase their channel rankings & get maximum viewership.

　　On the other hand, there is a school of thought that believes that fame comes for a certain price & that is to sacrifice your privacy（指代不清）. They （指代不清）are comfortable with media breaching privacy of celebrities as they are of the opinion that claim that（表达要简洁）a celebrity becomes a national asset & is the bearer of national culture. I again, condemn this thought & believes（I believe，主谓一致错误）that it is unethical to poke around into private matters of anyone.

　　论点缺乏支撑。

　　Concluding, In conclusion, I want to say that line must be is bound to be drawn between a celebrity’s private & social life & media should avoid invading their lives, as privacy is our psychological need.（结尾段不要提出新观点）It is not an acceptable  a major trend to use such news for increased channel ratings.

　　结尾段应总结全文并再次强调个人观点。

　　总分：6.5

　　●     Task Response: 6

　　✓ 回应了问题所有部分，有些部分比其他部分更充分

　　✓ 观点扣题，但结论不够清晰

　　✓ 论点扣题，但有些论点拓展不够

　　●     Coherence and Cohesion: 6

　　× 连贯地组织信息和论点，行文推进清晰

　　✓ 有效使用连接词，但句间连接不恰当或不自然

　　✓ 有时指代不清/不当

　　✓ 分了段，但缺乏逻辑(缺少对论点的支撑)

　　●     Lexical Resource: 7

　　✓ 词汇丰富，体现一定的灵活和准确

　　✓ 使用非常用词，对语体和搭配有认识

　　✓ 存在用词不准确、拼写、词性等小错误

　　●     Grammatical Range and Accuracy: 7

　　✓ 使用多种复杂结构

　　✓ 句子准确无误

　　✓ 语法和标点错误很少

　　组长小结：很多国内考生在备考写作的时候很重视词汇和语法，特别是大龄G类考生，这很可能是源于以往的英语教学方式。而实际上，雅思写作有4项评分标准，与词汇和语法同样重要的，是扣题和连贯。很多Ｇ友的词汇和语法问题并不大，卡分原因其实在于TR和CC，即偏题、论述不充分、论述泛化、甚至一个段落里的几个句子翻来覆去说的是一个意思；以及句间关系不紧密、读起来不流畅、每句话都对但却与题目无关。如果自查难以确定问题所在，就需要找人批改。无论是已经跟雅思分手的朋友，还是前考官，用同一篇作文去寻求多方反馈，然后综合批改意见，比对评分标准，就不难作出自己的判断、明确提升方向了。