雅思大作文9分范文分析-早退休 含解析,烤鸭收藏@
2020-07-30 11:51:12来源:网络作者: 景景阅读量:
雅思大作文9分范文分析-早退休 Some people think that having a set retirement (e.g.65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age.
These days, the topic of early retirement is much discussed. Some people believe that setting a fixed retirement age for all employees is unfair. In their opinion, people working in certain sectors should be allowed to retire early. I agree with that view.
小编解析:开头段改写题目并给出个人立场,原文与改写对应关系如下:
having a set retirement = setting a fixed retirement age
for everybody, regardless of occupation =for all employees
certain workers = people working in certain sectors
deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age = should be allowed to retire early
at an earlier age = early retirement
some people think = some people believe
they believe = in thier opinion
To begin with, not all jobs are the same in terms of mental or physical demands. Certain jobsare more mentally or physically strenuous and people performing those jobs should receive early retirement. It will benefit the society as well as them. A recent study showed that people who work in physically and mentally demanding occupations might suffer from dementia if they continue working in the same occupation after turning fifty. If these people are not allowed to retire early they will become a burden on their company because of theirlow productivity.
小编解析:主体段1回应题目中的公平问题,提出论点“不同工作的体力和脑力要求不同”。第一句引出论点,第二句提出强度大的体力和脑力工作从业者应该可以早点退休,第三句简单说明为什么这些职业可以早点退休--因为对个人和社会有好处。第四句引用研究发现来支撑论点。第五句使用反证的方法通过说明这些人不早退休的坏处来支撑论点。
There are also certain jobs that are better suited for youngsters than seniors. For example,driving a truck or waiting on tables requires greater levels of physical fitness. Such jobs are suited for young people. Likewise, aeroplane pilots also deserve early retirement because as they age their vision deteriorates and that could be a flight hazard. There are also certain jobs that no one wants to do. For example, few people are interested incleaning sewage orcollecting garbage. The government can encourage more people to take up such jobs by offering them early retirement. Lastly, firefighters also deserve early retirement because of their sacrifices and readiness to protect lives and also because their work is very demanding physically and mentally.
小编解析:主体段2回应题中的“某些职业应该早退休”,举了多个例子来说明哪些职业为什么应该早退休。一是“有些工作更适合年轻人而不是老年人”,二是“健康和安全问题”,三是“有些工作没人做应允许早退休来鼓励人们从事”,四是“任务繁重”。大家注意看段落内部使用了哪些连接词和连接方式来实现ideas的衔接连贯,并积累例子中的话题相关词汇。
To conclude, I strongly agree that some workers should be entitled to an early retirement. While fixing the age of retirement for each occupation, the government should consider the demands of the job.
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